.... morris dancing as it should be done - with attitude and fun!!

A Gong Scourer is a man that sees to the midnight soil. Everybody likes to, er, deposit in different parts of the castle, and it's the job of me and the crew - because I'm head Gong Scourer - to make sure that the privies are always kept clear and sluiced when needed, and that it's spread on the fields, because everyone knows it's good for growing crops. If there are any blockages I have to sort it out.

These days Gong Scourers do it for a wage. My father did it for his place in the household, I'm very well paid. I'm one of the most well paid personnel in the household, for position. Well would you shovel that for nowt?

Generally we start at midnight, so as not to spoil the nose of Lord's Lady. Because we work through the night when most people are abed, we catnap everywhere, really. When you work with your head up a pipe, you can sleep pretty much wherever you like, as long as you don't get caught.

I've got a new oak spade, which I haven't given a name to yet. Spades always have names, because they keep your hands cleaner than they might well be. My friend Seth, he's know as "Black Hand Seth", because he doesn't have a shovel. Should I damage or lose my shovel, then I have to go and talk to the steward, and he will allocate someone to replace it, although it really depends on what service it was damaged on. If it was lost, or fell down a pipe, and that was the reason for the blockage, of course me being the head Gong Scourer, it won't be my fault. It will someone else who gets it in the neck.

With this lovely piece of iron shod on the end, it's useful as a weapon in time of war to defend the castle. There's always the threat from France and I think I could be the scourge of the french, because I can throw all sorts of missiles.

If I live long enough and it's a good life, I expect I'll go to heaven, and that
would be a good thing.

(Most Gong Scourers died by the age of 27 due to all the different diseases they contracted)